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FAITH CRISIS RESPONSE
Guide and Precautions
"The sin against the Holy Ghost requires such knowledge that it is manifestly impossible for the rank and file to commit such a sin"
- President Spencer W. Kimball
“There is one thing that is common to every individual, relationship, team, family, organization, nation, economy, and civilization throughout the world—one thing which, if removed, will destroy the most powerful government, the most successful business, the most thriving economy, the most influential leadership, the greatest friendship, the strongest character, the deepest love. On the other hand, if developed and leveraged, that one thing has the potential to create unparalleled success and prosperity in every dimension of life. Yet, it is the least understood, most neglected, and most underestimated possibility of our time. That one thing is trust.”
― Stephen M.R. Covey, The SPEED of Trust: The One Thing that Changes Everything
PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST-AID (PFA)
"Psychological First Aid addresses basic needs and reduces psychological distress by providing a caring comforting presence, and education on common stress reactions. It empowers the individual by supporting strengths and encouraging existing coping skills. It also provides connections to natural support networks, and referrals to professional services when needed. Psychological First Aid is tool that each of us can use to reduce our stress level. By understanding your stress reactions and utilizing Psychological First Aid principles, you can enhance resilience in yourself, your family, workplace, and community."
- MN Dept. of Health
PFA is a set of principles prescribed by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network and the National Center for PTSD, an initiative by the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs. I discovered them while doing the initial requirements for my ecclesiastical endorsement to become a military chaplain. I have applied them here to the Latter-day Saint faith crisis.
The goal of these applications is not to get them back into the pews, it is to maintain a trusting relationship with them. However, counterintuitive as that seems, that is the way to maximize their chance at returning to the community of the saints.
GOALS (Doctrine) OF PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST-AID
1) Safety
Create an emotionally secure environment by responding with calmness and unconditional acceptance, ensuring they feel free to express themselves without fear of rejection or judgment. Remember Christ suffered for their distress, you ought to respect that.
2) Comfort
Show love through presence, patience, and understanding rather than attempts to fix or correct. You will need to overcome your own sense of fear (of "losing them") to effectively accomplish this.
3) Connectedness
Foster trusting relationships by encouraging open dialogue and supporting their connections with others who respect and validate their experiences. This might require you to challenge some of your assumptions as well for it to have any meaningful effect.
4) Self-Empowerment
Respect their agency by acknowledging their ability to navigate their own faith journey, offering guidance and support only when invited or needed. Do not act like you "own" them, or else you risk damaging your connection to them more. Ask them what they need from you, they'll tell you.
5) Hope
There could have never been an Alma the Younger who would have risen to his full potential if he did not have the experiences he did. The Plan has contingencies, and there is an eternity of exploration after the veil. (Plus another 1000 years at least. There's so much fear it is almost as if we don't even believe in our own doctrine.)
Application (Principles) OF PSYCHOLOGICAL FIRST-AID
1) Contact and Engagement
DO: Approach your loved one in a compassionate, non-intrusive manner. Let them know you are available to listen without judgment, creating an open space for dialogue. A simple phrase like, “I’m here for you, no matter what,” can make all the difference.
DO NOT: Don’t force them to talk or initiate conversations with an agenda to “correct” or “fix” their thinking. Avoid dismissive statements like, “You’ll understand someday,” which minimize their experience. Coming across as intrusive or defensive can make them feel unsafe sharing with you.
2) Safety and Comfort
DO: Reassure your loved one of your unconditional love and support. Provide a safe emotional space where they can express doubts and fears without fear of rejection. Your calm presence can help them feel secure during this turbulent time.
DO NOT: Do not react with anger, disgust, or visible disappointment when they express doubts or concerns. Avoid creating an emotionally unsafe space by lecturing, criticizing, or withdrawing when you hear something you disagree with. Such responses make them feel judged rather than loved.
3) Stabilization (if needed)
DO: If they seem overwhelmed or emotionally distressed, focus on helping them feel calm and grounded. Acknowledge their feelings with empathy, such as saying, “That sounds really hard. I’m here to help however I can.”
DO NOT: Don’t escalate their distress by responding emotionally or invalidating their feelings with phrases like, “You’re overreacting,” or “Just pray more.” Ignoring their emotions or pushing your own perspective when they are overwhelmed can further destabilize their sense of balance.
4) Information Gathering on Current Needs and Concerns
DO: Ask open-ended questions to better understand their struggles and immediate needs. Questions like, “What’s been most challenging for you?” show that you care about their perspective and want to support them in meaningful ways.
DO NOT: Don’t interrogate or push them to explain their thoughts in ways that feel accusatory. Avoid framing questions with judgment, such as, “Why are you even listening to anti-Church sources?” or, “Who put these ideas in your head?” This shuts down honest communication.
5) Practical Assistance
DO: Offer tangible help that addresses their current concerns, such as providing resources, sharing insights, or simply being present. Small actions—like finding a book they’ve mentioned or helping them process their emotions—show your willingness to help.
DO NOT: Don’t dismiss their concerns with quick fixes like, “Just read your scriptures more,” or offer help that aligns only with your worldview rather than theirs. Forcing your solutions onto them without asking what they need shows a lack of respect for their autonomy.
6) Connection with Social Supports
DO: Encourage them to maintain or build relationships with people who respect their journey, including trusted friends, family, or counselors. Help them see they don’t have to face this alone.
DO NOT: Do not isolate them by discouraging relationships with people they feel comfortable confiding in, even if you disagree with those individuals. Avoid statements like, “Your friends are leading you astray,” which can alienate them further and sever critical support systems.
6) Connection with Social Supports
DO: Let them know it’s okay to take time to process and find balance as they work through their feelings.
DO NOT: Don’t pressure them into coping strategies that worked for you, such as “You just need to fast and pray, and you’ll feel better.” Avoid making them feel weak or inadequate for struggling by downplaying the depth of their emotions or situation.
7) Linkage with Collaborative Services
DO: IF THEY ASK, help them connect with professional resources, such as faith-friendly counselors or support groups. Offer to assist in finding someone who can provide further guidance without imposing your own solutions.
DO NOT: Don’t dismiss or refuse professional help if they need it. Avoid saying things like, “You don’t need therapy; just trust the Church,” which undermines their ability to seek appropriate resources. Denying the validity of their need for support may push them away completely.
Caution:
If you do not know a lot about an issue of Church history/doctrinal development/or possess in depth knowledge of Meso-American or Ancient-Near-Eastern archeology, and your child brings something up to you, do not attempt to answer with simply bearing a testimony: that does not work. Admit that you do not know everything and ask them to tell you what they have learned. Then if they ask you where they should go, learn about resources and organizations that could help.
"Gone are the days when a student asked an honest question and a teacher responded, “Don’t worry about it!” Gone are the days when a student raised a sincere concern and a teacher bore his or her testimony as a response intended to avoid the issue."
- Elder M. Russell Ballard
Do not become defensive and hostile, this is a test they will use to see if they can trust you to speak with about the things that concern them. If you become emotionally charged, they will be unlikely to engage with you until they have already mentally left the faith.
Responding to Bad Ideas
"A Faith Crisis is not trauma."
Trauma is a process in the brain where certain wiring takes place that fuses the feelings of uncertainty and insecurity, feelings of hopelessness against a situation, and distrust in the community, to things in the environment.
The principles as created by the U.S. DoVA and NCTSN were created to help first responders and volunteers to help victims of natural disasters to recuperate and bounce back after an incident.
A Faith Crisis is traumatic because the same neural-networks and brain centers that deal with fear/trust are affected in the same way as natural disasters and growing up in an unsafe home do.
"We shouldn't call it a faith crisis."
This can be translated, roughly, to: "I don't understand it, so I will try to label it as something non-threatening so I can keep their experience under my control." To someone feeling like the metaphysical sky is falling, it feels very much like a crisis.
"You should only focus on the big questions."
You do not have the authority to tell someone what should and should not be an important question. Plus, they are attempting to answer the larger questions by examining the different parts of the large question.
"It happened all of the sudden, I never saw it coming. Everything seemed fine."
The question you need to ask yourself is: "Why did my child not trust me enough to talk about these things with me?" Trust is a byproduct of interactions, it cannot be commanded, coerced, and extracted. You can choose your actions, but you cannot choose your consequences - and no one can escape the dynamics of trust. The universe runs on it. Take the pain you feel right now, and understand your child has felt it towards you for a lot longer than you've been experiencing it. You have been interacting with the facade they show you so that they can feel safe around you - and though they may speak to you everyday, they have stopped talking to you long ago. It may be a long process to rebuild the trust they once had in you, so be prepared to step into your own mists of darkness to find it.
"I want my child's testimony to be like it was before."
New information on how the Church operates, on how doctrine is produced, and on historical events took place in Church history have now been integrated into their concept of "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints". That concept is different for everyone, just how an infantry soldier, a university professor, and a steel factory worker would describe the United Nations as an organization. It does not matter how the institution defines itself, every individual has their own idea of what the institution is based on their interactions with it - their own point of view.
Your child/loved one/friend's testimony will never be the same - the simple faith is gone. Nor should it return - we were never meant to live on a faith given to us. We were meant to engage with the divine as it presents itself, and our relationship with it is our testimony.
"I have failed as a parent because my child has left (or is questioning) the Church."
By your standard, our Heavenly Parents must be failures too. Don't judge yourself above them. Have some grace. Just watch this video.
CURRENTLY IN
DEVELOPMENT
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